THIS IS A SPECIAL EDITION OF
THE DATAMAN PARODY PAGE:
PRESIDENT-ELECT
GEORGE W. BUSH
AS IT SHOULD BE
And now, from our cyber-studios in Culpeper, Virginia,
here is DataMan!
This isn't a photo! It's live Web-cam video!
I sit here in front of the camera 24/7 just in case someone
drops by!
Well, after the events of this most recent Election Day, the airwaves
resound
with the sounds of charges, counter-charges, accusations, counter-accusations,
anger, rage, and weeping and gnashing of teeth... and that's just the
networks
hurling "Dewey Defeats Truman!" recriminations at themselves.
In the ongoing frustration of not yet knowing who we've elected as our
next president
(watch out; a re-vote might give Florida to Ralph Nader),
I realized that I could either cry, seethe, grumble, grouse...
or do the only thing that will preserve my sanity...
ELECTION 2000 PARODIES OF SONGS BY
KANSAS AND KERRY LIVGREN:
"...but you should've seen the case that got away!"
W's proposed Air Force One makeover...
Here we go once again...
"I WON!"
"NO, I WON!"
"SAYS WHO?!"
"SAYS ME!"
"OH, YEAH?"
"YEAH!"
Sometimes it's difficult to discern a voter's intent...
(Click on your browser's "reload" button
to repeat the animation.)
Visit the web site of
St. Chad of Lichfield,
the patron saint of disputed elections! ;-)
So here's what Al plans to do with that "surplus"!
(Click the above image for a larger view and a view of the reverse side.)
CAST YOUR BALLOT!
Click here
to use the Fort Lauderdale Sun-Sentinel's Virtual Palm Beach County Ballot!
Can you vote for the candidate of your choice?
(Flash plugin required)
From CNN.com:
"Asked by reporters about the continuing dispute over the election,
Bush said 'it's time to get some finality to the process.' When
the
election is finally settled, he added, 'Dick Cheney and I will be the
president and vice president.'"
So that's why Cheney had all those flags behind him at that press conference!
He's going to be the president! ;-)
Look! In the back of that truck! It's O.J.!
"Using this magnifying glass, I shall discern
this voter's intent with my dread EVIL EYE!
Bwa-ha-ha-ha-haaaa!"
Memo to the Democratic Party:
If a fetus is not a child, then a "pregnant chad" is not a vote.
"I dub thee... 'Dubya.'"
The real reason why Palm Beach County
missed Sunday's 5:00 p.m. deadline:
"I can't believe you dropped the whole stack..."
"Swinging..."
"Dimpled..."
"Pregnant..."
"That's two votes for Gore, and two votes for...
Hey! This thing looks like it's double-punched!
In fact, all of these ballots look to me like they're double-punched!"
Palm Beach County Canvassing Board Chairman Judge Charles Burton
sends a subliminal hand signal to the media regarding his feelings
about
having to count and recount and re-recount all those ballots...
Madame Butterfly: her own private hell
Theresa LePore, designer of the
Palm Beach County "butterfly" ballot
Quote of the Month:
"The people who cast the votes decide nothing. The people who count the votes decide everything."
attributed to Josef Stalin
Hey! Since when is actor Nicolas Cage a member of the
Broward County Board of Elections?
I propose that George W. Bush and Al Gore settle the presidential race
in a way that the children of America will both understand and relate
to --
a Pokémon battle.
You put your stylus in,
You put your stylus out,
You put your stylus in,
And you punch Buchanan out
You do the Palm Beach Pokey
And you turn the vote around,
That's what it's all about!
You put the Gore votes in,
You pull the Bush votes out,
You put the Gore votes in,
And you do another count
You do the Palm Beach Pokey
And you turn the vote around,
That's what it's all about!
You bring your lawyers in,
You drag the whole thing out,
You bring your lawyers in,
And you put the race in doubt
You do the Palm Beach Pokey
And you turn the vote around,
That's what it's all about!
You let your doctors spin,
You let the pundits spout,
You let retirees sue,
And your people whine and pout
You do the Palm Beach Pokey
And you turn the vote around,
That's what it's all about!
You do the Palm Beach Pokey,
You do the Palm Beach Pokey,
You do the Palm Beach Pokey,
That's what it's all about!
Al takes up a post-election acting career...
Hey! I thought they were countin' ballots, and here they are countin'
chad!
(And if they can't get the plural of "chad" right, can we trust 'em
with the ballots?)
(Clicking the above link will enable you to download a
Windows program
that has been certified virus-free by Norton AntiVirus
for OS/2, Version 5.02.43,
using virus definition files dated 11-13-2000... but
go ahead and scan it anyway
just to help reinforce safe computing practices on the
Internet.)
Required reading in Palm Beach County schools:
Why we need the Electoral College:
Talk about the will of the people...
This ransom note arrived recently:
DeaR AmeRiCANs,
We, thE
CITIzenS
Of FlORiDA,
HAve Taken
this ELecTION
hostAGE.
WE will
return
it
unharmED
wheN
yoU
STOPsending
US
Your
old
people.
Palm Beach County His-and-Hers T-Shirts:
Proposed remedy for Palm Beach County's "deceptive" and "confusing"
ballots...
Palm Beach County voters protest against themselves...
PARODY PAGE SPECIAL:
NEW PALM BEACH COUNTY BALLOTS
Regardless of who eventually wins the White House,
in my opinion the real losers are those who just can't or won't accept
that when an arrow is pointing to something, it's pointing to what
it's pointing to...
Wait a minute; now I see why those Palm Beach County voters were so
confused...
In case a re-vote is ordered, I understand that this is the revised
ballot:
Click here
to go to The Rush Limbaugh Show web page
Hmm... kind of lame, huh? Not the same "bite" as the others.
I suppose that if President Bush (W's dad) had had a reputation of
being a conniving,
scheming, world conquerer wanna-be, then the first image would have
been funnier.
And if Bush and Cheney had had "Clintonian" tendencies as adolescent-minded
skirt-chasers,
then the second one would have been funny (period).
I don't know about you, but the above two images say to me loud and
clear
that the Democrats realize that they lost the comedic high ground in
this imbroglio
the moment Reverend Jesse showed up in West Palm Beach
to crusade on behalf of the 19,000 double-punchers
who let their "right to vote" flutter by on those "butterfly" ballots...
Write to me at dataman@adelphia.net with your
thoughts, comments
or ideas for new parodies; I'm always open to
new suggestions. :-)
