TRACE RUN TALLEY
(To the tune of "Grand Fun Alley," from the Kansas album Somewhere to Elsewhere)
 

I got the amplitude; sites are bein' viewed
Remote finger
I'm at a furious pace; the counter's in my face
It's a live pinger
I'm on a twisted pair; I haven't got a care
Seen the headlines
Data's movin' fast; don't wanna come in last
When everything's online

Trace run, trace run talley
Whoa, I'm havin' so much fun
Trace run, trace run talley
Running the talley

Ain't had my fill of hits; I'm watchin' bytes and bits
Packets flyin'
If you skip my site, you're adding to my plight
But I'm still tryin'
Bottleneck's ahead; my traffic's lookin' dead
Must be the software
And my drive space is down; I'm headin' into town
Upgrade the hardware

Trace run, trace run talley
I'm running the talley again
Trace run, trace run talley
Here's the end of the line
Trace run, trace run talley
Oh, I'm still havin' so much fun
Trace run, trace run talley
I'm running the talley

If you hang around, get cookies by the pound
I'm obsessive
When the lines are good, then I'll trace you down
IP addresses
If the risk if high, you better surf on the sly
'Cause it's my passion
Privacy's been exchanged; my server's all arranged
Can't wait to cash in

Trace run, trace run talley
Whoa, I'm havin' so much fun
Trace run, trace run talley
I'm kickin' back with the talley again
Trace run, trace run talley
Here's the end of the line
Trace run, trace run talley
I'm running the, running the talley
 

(...our programmers have never done the wrong thing at the wrong time...)