(In 1978 comedian Steve Martin and the Toot Uncommons released a single
called "King Tut," which, uh, "celebrated" the world tour of
the treasures of Tutankamen.  Even then I knew parody-bait when I saw it,
and the result was my first-ever parody.)

PRIME CUT
(To the tune of "King Tut," from the Steve Martin album A Wild and Crazy Guy)
 

Now when he was a young calf, he never thought he'd be
Prime cut
People stood in line to buy the choice beef
(Choice cut)
How'd you get so brawny?
(Brawny cut)
The rest are all so scrawny

Slaughtered in New Jersey; trucked to Piggly Wiggly
Prime cut

Now if I'd known that sellin' beef would be so smart
(Prime cut)
I'd taken all my money and bought me a supermart
(Super cut)
Frozen in a freezer
(Frozen cut)
USDA teaser

Slaughtered in New Jersey; trucked to Piggly Wiggly
Prime cut

Now when I die, now don't think I'm a klutz
(Prime cut)
Don't want no fancy funeral, just one like them prime cuts
(Prime cut)
He could've won an Emmy
(Prime cut)
Done in with a jimmy

Slaughtered in New Jersey; trucked to Piggly Wiggly
He was slaughtered in New Jersey (he sure once was a real fine jersey)
Prime cut


Well, after this bad a start, the quality of my parodies could only go up, right?
Right?
Uh, hello?