I'm here trying to tell you about a thing I taped last fall
It came to me on the phone one night, when Monica made a call
She said that she'd just been summoned by lawyers for Paula Jones
And that she'd tell the jury the "big creep" never jumped her bones

Well I can't take it, what she's whining about
This girl is driving me crazy; I've got to have a legal out
The wire is upon me, and the wire of Starr brings fear

Well, Betty's been calling again just to mend the rift
I'm hoping, I'm hoping, I'm hoping that no one learns about those gifts
I think the odds are stacked against me, but I know now what I've gotta do next:
The big creep's got no reason to worry, 'cause what we did wasn't "technically" sex

Perjury's a big deal before the grand jury
And the prosecutor's office has got a place for me
His eye is upon me, and the eye of Starr brings fear

I've been tired, so tired of hiding since my "friend" Linda tripped me up
The whole world is staring at me, saying I'm a first-class slut
I think it's time to end this game and salvage some dignity
From the depths of this sordid nightmare, the truth will set me free

Monica and Linda: classic co-dependency
Their loose lips may very well sink ships; the hand of Starr is plain to see